You can complain about WMATA all you want, but you really have to admit that they’ve SIGNIFICANTLY improved their website in the past six months. Granted, this change was long overdue, but it’s up and it’s finally somewhat intuitive. It’s finally relatively EASY to find information in about three clicks or less on their site now; useful tidbits of information, like Metro Rail Rules and Manners. However, this list seems to be quite outdated. Several bloggers have made their own lists – some are funny, some are angry, some are really good, and some are…well, they’re more realistic than the ones Metro has on its site. Here is an updated version:

DO’S

• Use headphones with all audio and video devices, but max out the volume to annoy other passengers as much as possible. Also, turn the speakerphone on your phone up to the maximum level to ensure that everyone hears your awful taste in music and ringtones.
• Never let passengers get off the train before you board. You are more important than everyone else and it is your job to push through people who have not gotten off the train yet. You cannot afford to wait two minutes for the next train to arrive!
• Be as rude as possible. Glares and dirty looks are a goal. Seats next to the doors are reserved for senior citizens and riders with disabilities yuppies who sit in a chair in an office all day anyway, and senior citizens and people with disabilities are encouraged to stand.
• Throw trash on the floors and leave it on the seats. Trash bins and newspaper recycling bins are purely for decoration and are not actually functional.
• Never give senior citizens and people with disabilities priority when using the elevators. Again, you are more important than everyone.
• Stand at the most two feet behind the edge of the platform. In fact, stand as close to the edge as possible while waiting for the doors on the train to line up with your position. Cut in front of other people who were clearly in front of you before the train stopped.
• Ignore all official instructions at all times.
• Ignore any unattended packages and wait for someone else to notice them.
• Eat, drink and smoke. People will LOVE YOU when you spill McDonald’s sweet and sour sauce on the floor and the whole train reeks of ranch-bacon-whatever-nasty-thing-you-got.
• Block the train doors as they are shutting so you don’t miss your train. Note: these doors actually operate like elevator doors and will automatically open when you get stuck in them. Metro is lying to you when they say the doors don’t work that way. Also, make sure to lean on the doors while you are riding the train.
• Walk on the trackbed. The third rail carries 750 volts of electricity. If you touch it, you’ll become INVINCIBLE.
• If standing on the train, lean up against a pole so that others cannot hold onto it. No one EVER uses those things anyway.

DON’TS

• Allow anyone to board before you. That would be rude.
• Say “excuse me” or any other nicety to other Metro passengers. This is also considered rude.
• Keep your music quiet – everyone should know what you’re listening to.
• Walk on the left. Stand on both sides of the escalator.
• Chew your gum quietly. We must be made aware that you are chewing that new Orbit fruity gum.

And lastly, the cardinal rule of riding Metro rail: talk on your cell phone for as long as possible about the most meaningless stuff that has nothing to do with anything. We DO want to hear about the monotony of your day and your monster of a boss and your plans for the night! Please, tell us everything about yourself that we never wanted to know in the first place.

I’ll link to the memo when it’s officially posted on WMATA’s site, but for now, you’ll have to make do with the unofficial release.

Courtesy of Razzziel on Flickr

Quick, what are you doing this weekend? If you a) still have your pumpkin you carved (or didn’t carve) for Halloween and b) feel the need to utterly destroy it, this is for you. Options for destroying your pumpkin include, but may not be limited to:

• Dropping them from way high up and watching them smash on a platform
• Hurling them with a catapult
• Squishing them
• Smashing them (not from way high up)

What: Pumpkin Madness

When: November 7th and 8th, (this weekend) 10 AM – 5 PM

Where: Cox Farms (Centreville, VA)

Why: Because what else were you going to do with that pumpkin? Also, on Sunday at 3 PM, they’re going to smash a 426 lb. pumpkin. How could you not want to see that? I mean, seriously.

I realize this happened a few days ago, but did anyone hear about Bridges bar being set ablaze? The owner, Aman Ajmal, was arrested for “burning an unoccupied building” (at 3:30 AM).He was apparently reeking of the booze used to set the fire.

Fairfax Underground’s arrest/ticket search hasn’t turned up the charge yet, but my guess is it will soon.

I didn’t like that bar much, anyway.

Not to completely rip into Metro or anything, but this morning has kind of been a mess for them. As a result of a power failure of an “internal power distribution unit” at one of their data centers, the following problems have occurred:

1. Inability for Metro buses to accept fares
2. Inability for Metro to talk to bus drivers currently driving routes
3. Metrorail’s public address system is currently not functioning
4. Metro’s website was down until at least around 8:30 this morning
5. Metro’s e-alert system is down
6. Fares can’t be purchased with debit cards, and any credit card fare purchases can’t exceed $20 total
7. NextBus is currently not functioning
8. The call center for MetroAccess is down, leaving people unable to make online reservations

The only thing that appears to be functioning correctly, however, is Metro’s ability to monitor their rail trains, which fantastic because they were doing *such* a good job before they had these problems. Just absolutely stellar.

There have been times where Metro’s buses were unable to accept fares because the system was down, but nothing as widespread as today’s fiasco. My question is this: why are so many critical systems consolidated into one center? Why is there apparently no redundancy plan to ensure backup power or even an alternate data center? It’s a little frightening to think that all of these systems are not placed in separate physical locations in case one of them goes down.

And, as always, Metro has thrown out their party line that they have no idea when any or all of their systems will be back up again but that they are working to fix the problem. Even more disturbing, however, is that there is no mention of any of today’s issues on Metro’s main website (which is now back up) or on the bus and rail alerts page. Is it so much to ask that they even acknowledge the issue on their main site, if nothing else to assure customers that the problems are being addressed? Right now, the only sources of the information are WTOP, The Examiner and ABC 7 News. Great sources, but most customers would probably prefer to hear more information from WMATA directly instead of a useless line from their spokeswoman given to news outlets.

GMU likes to send out some e-mail from time to time, and it is generally pretty boring, depending on the department or organization that it comes from, and depending on your interests. The GMU Office of Annual Giving, however, is almost always pretty irritating, no matter which medium they use. I get enough stuff from them in the mail bi-monthly and enough e-mails from them begging for money that it’s kind of pointless to keep sending them to me. I’m an alumni – not Miss Pennybags. (And yes, I’m aware I can unsubscribe from their various distribution lists.)

The exception to this, though, is the Office of Annual Giving’s most recent e-mail, disguised as a clever and humorous “light-hearted” Halloween message. There’s a link to a flash animation, which is really grating at first, but the last part makes it.

I’d plan on being the third GMU alumni for Halloween, complete with a giant, yellow “GMU ALUMNI” triangle for a torso, but seeing as no one reads these e-mails in the first place, I get the feeling that no one would really get the joke.

Poor Jackie.

Stay classy, Fair Lakes TGI Friday’s.

Perusing WTOP’s site, I saw this article. Good news, I suppose, but there’s kind of a major typo. EPIC.

(http://wtop.com/?nid=596&sid=1730081)

WTOP’s story, which uses source material from the original article on the Examiner’s site, explains that the Metro rail system is expanding cell phone service beyond just Verizon network coverage – AT&T, Sprint Nextel and T-Mobile users will be able to use their phones underground, too, after the upgrade is completed. WaPo, however, has the best story about this.

Tell me how this is a good thing. Verizon already has service inside the stations – not in the tunnels, but inside stations while on the platform – and making your way to a train with someone kind of standing in the way on their cell phone…doesn’t really help. Now imagine every iPhone user in the Metro now able to use their cell phones on the platform, and by 2012, able to make calls while inside the tunnel.

Does that scare you? It should. On one hand, you have the advantage of theoretically being able to get in touch with someone via cell phone if there’s an emergency. However, on the other hand, it’s hard to not envision hoards of iPhone and Sprint “Push to Talk” users talking about the same useless crap that they talk about above ground on the buses, the same annoying cell phone ringers going off, and most likely, the same, “Can you hear me now?” question being asked over and over again as the kinks in the new coverage areas are worked out.

STATIONS SCHEDULED TO BE UDPATED WITH THE NEW COVERAGE:

• Ballston
• Bethesda
• Columbia Heights
• Crystal City
• Dupont Circle
• Farragut North
• Farragut West
• Federal Triangle SW
• Foggy Bottom-GWU
• Friendship Heights
• Gallery Place-Chinatown
• Judiciary Square
• L’Enfant Plaza
• McPherson Square
• Metro Center
• Pentagon
• Pentagon City
• Rosslyn
• Smithsonian
• Union Station

Posted in Local, News, Technology Tagged: crime, DC, FAIL, metro, News, oops, ridiculous, transit, Washington DC ]]> http://bothsidesofthefence.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/apparently-steve-taubenkibel-is-a-woman/feed/ 2 caffeind Typo? http://bothsidesofthefence.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/random-corn-mazes-in-nova/ http://bothsidesofthefence.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/random-corn-mazes-in-nova/#comments Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:07:30 +0000 caffeind http://bothsidesofthefence.wordpress.com/?p=555 ]]>

In case you were ever interested in them, there are a BUNCH of corn mazes in NoVA this fall. The full list, taken from the Fall 2009 Virginia Tourism newsletter, can be found here on their site.

Markham – Thru Oct 31- Stribling Orchard Applefest offers not only apples, but beginning in September, all sizes and shapes of pumpkins, too! Relax, bring a picnic, and enjoy our breath-taking views of the Blue Ridge Mountains.

Midland – Thru Nov 7 – Cows-N-Corn Corn Maze Adventure and Dairy Farm is a working 300 cow, 1800 acre dairy farm. October features a corn maze adventure and family haunted hayride!

Centreville – Sep 19 – Nov 8 – Cox Farms Fall Festival – Five giant slides, hayrides, rope swings, farm animals & their babies, CORNundrum© cornfield adventure, apples & cider, food, entertainment … over 90 acres of fun!

Leesburg – Sep 25 – Nov 1 – MAiZE – Get lost in this elaborate 11-acre cornfield maze.When you find your way out, pick-your-own pumpkin right out of the patch, shoot the corn cannon, ride on the cow train, bounce on the cow belly bounce, take a hayride, and enjoy great food.

Leesburg - Sep 26 – Nov 1 – Pumpkinville – Family fun includes a hay maze, giant hill slides, straw tunnels, rope swings, moonbounces and more. Enjoy all you can eat apples, fresh cider, and pick your own pumpkin.

The Plains – Weekends Sep 26 – Nov 8 – The Corn Maze in The Plains – Come get lost in the maze, hear “Swift” The Rooster crow, go for a hayride, see the fall colors, play in the huge barnyard of fun with giant slides, mini mazes, corn tires, and tire swings; have a local burger and some roasted sweet corn, and choose from thousands of pumpkins!

Fredericksburg – Oct 2-4 – Belvedere Plantation Fall Festival – Escape to the countryside with friends and family, and create special memories! Experience the Cornfield Maze, Fun Barn, Zip Lines, Pumpkin Mountain Slide, Moon Bounce, pig races, and Little Farmer’s Coral, hayrides and roaring bonfires and animals at the Olde Barnyard.

Bluemont – Great Country Farms offers hayrides, u-pick fruits and vegetables, a 2,800 sq. foot Pumpkin Jumpin’ Pillow, 4 challenging mazes, giant slides, friendly farm animals, catch and release fishing, swings, and even a giant chess set!

Markham – Hartland Farm and Orchard invites you to have fun getting lost in the corn maze, take a ride on slide mountain, or play in the corn box. Take a scenic and fun hayride. Have a haunted hayride on some October evenings.

Purcellville – Crooked Run Orchard – Pumpkins available in quantity amounts. Hayrides for school groups by appointment only during September and October. We have farm animals, a nature trail, and picnic tables. Please, no dogs. Call before visiting the farm about pick-your-own information.

However, no corn maze is going to compare with ZIPLINING. Really. Ziplining. I know – it’s hard to say that with any amount of excitement without making it also sound like you’re stuck in 1985 or something, but it’s a LOT of ziplining, and it looks really fun, especially with the leaves changing color now.

In case your morning didn’t include enough cute overload:

Roo (AP photo taken from http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/13/AR2009101303000.html)

This morning, en route to work, I checked my e-mail on my phone and saw a breaking news headline from WTOP in my inbox; “Outer Loop Closed at Braddock Road”. Um. What? Crap. How is this bus going to get onto 395, then? No other real information in the e-mail. However, a couple of minutes later after getting on to 495-S via the Braddock Road entrance to the outer loop, realized that the closure had ended.

In a nutshell, here’s what happened:

• Police try to stop a guy for a “routine traffic stop” in MoCo.
• Guy peaces out and starts a police chase that lands him across state lines in Virginia.
• Around 5:35 AM, guy hits a trooper and when other officers arrive, attempts to hit them, too.
• The chase ends at the Braddock Road on-ramp off 495-S, where a very forcible arrest takes place and which closes down the outer loop entirely.
• By 7:50 AM, when I was on the bus, the outer loop was back open again.

Oh, and his list of charges includes:

1. Resisting arrest
2. Felony count of eluding police
3. Reckless driving
4. Damaging state property
5. Assault
6. Fugitive from justice

Sounds like a great Wednesday morning.